First off, yes my symptoms did become chronic but I never accepted that I would be chronically Ill, I had faith I would get better, although some of the dark days did make me doubt. Those times when I had been in a dark room for 5 days with no energy to talk or move, or a sudden fever and shaking for no apparent reason. When times get painful it's an invitation to go deep and find the strength and faith within.
In my post about living with Long Covid in 2022, and my first post in 2021 confessions of a Covid Long Hauler, I go into detail about my symptoms. I mostly went through neurological issues, sensory issues, seizures, and chronic fatigue. I had two autoimmunity positive test results (ANA's), I was told by my doctor I had CFS chronic fatigue syndrome, and my rheumatologist said I had fibromyalgia. My neurologist had no idea why I was having seizures or how to prevent them. I was offered an array of drugs from pain meds, antidepressants, drugs for cerebral palsy, and everything in between, after over a year of weekly, and monthly tests and the Hospital, I said ENOUGH. I am not here to demonize medication, it can be very useful for people. I did try some of the medication, but most of it not, it was disappointing and as for many with chronic illnesses it didn't actually support me.
The Microbiome & Biohacking
I was already working on the basics of nervous system regulation, sunlight exposure, red light therapy, and water. My next focus was on balancing the gut microbiome. Studies show how Covid and the spike protein from the vaccine actually kill off bifidobacterium in the gut. This is one of the most potent 'helpful bacteria that live in the body and plays a significant role in physical and mental health.
As you can see in the test results here in June 2022 my diversity and probiotic levels were really in need of support, during Covid and especially during the post-viral myalgic stages I was in a lot of pain with my gut, it felt like knives in there, I was unable to tolerate barely any foods. But at that point, I could barely tolerate daylight. My body was quite low so a lot of things produced a toxic effect. I actually had shingles 3 times in the first year after having COVID. It was back-to-back viruses, infections, and seizures. I knew I wanted to work on my microbiome I just lacked the energy to be able to focus fully on it.
Finally in June 2022, after I just moved into my new home after going through the process of getting a mortgage in Spain I felt finally I had a few brain cells to spare for my own health again. Biomesight's App and software have definitely improved in the last 10 months, it's much more user-friendly, and it gives easy-to-understand advice on how to supplement through lifestyle and diet based on your stool sample data set and the symptoms you have. I found it super useful to know exactly what probiotic strains to focus on to crowd out the overgrowth of not-so-positive bacteria and balance my microbiome with more prebiotics. As always I use my own knowledge and intuition with these tools. I like to use Seeking Health, HistaminX probiotics because other brands can give me a histamine reaction that makes me uncomfortable or bloated.
Before working on targeted specific probiotics for the gut and doing the biomesight test in June 2022, I had been practicing Autophagy (fasting) which had helped detox my body and purge out any active viruses, bacteria, etc. If you'd like to know my top tips on how to open the detox pathways in the body take a look at this article.
The Shaking
I realised my nervous system was so overloaded with trauma which was contributing to this overall toxic load on my body, specifically the trauma trapped in my nervous system in my body. Shaking is actually one of the body's natural ways in which it discharges trauma, I learned this years ago when I studied TRE (traumatic release exercises), and I saw my body going through the shaking while giving birth. My nervous system was backed up with disruption from childhood. I needed to address some unresolved physiological and emotional issues, and somatically and hypnotically release them from my body-mind matrix. I take people on this journey of Quantum Inner Child Healing, after Covid it was time I took this to the next level.
The most transformative moment for me was after a San Pedro ceremony where I asked the medicine to show me the way to peace from the fear of the seizures, and it produced the longest one! During the 30 minutes of intense shaking and muscle clamping, I was able to dissociate from the fearful voice within me, telling me to "stop shaking, stop shaking". I spoke over that fearful internal voice with a compassionate voice and said "Don't worry, you're going to be ok". It was simple, but so effective. I got what I asked for, the experience was not nearly so bad. I felt relieved. Flipping the script on your internal dialogue in a moment of suffering is such a game changer and this was one of those lightbulb moments. I'm always helping people to overcome their inner critic, and access more compassion, and there I was in the ultimate 'I'm going to die' nervous system state in complete fear, and what I really needed was to be kind and love and nurture myself at that moment, of that experience. That was extreme self-coaching and reparenting for me, I learned so much.
The Art
For many months I couldn't express with words what was happening in my body, the seizures were almost an out-of-body experience, except I couldn't see myself from an outside perspective either. Because the experience is out of my control it was very scary, many people that are going through medical crises or health crises can relate to that feeling of being out of control. I literally felt I had no control over my body. The way I was able to process the experience was to draw, I drew myself before, during, and after the seizure and was able to convey the experience without words onto the paper, it helped me process and be able to articulate what the feeling was. Especially because afterward the mental confusion was really challenging it took me days and weeks to get through the scattered feeling which my brain felt actually fried.
The Gratitude
I'm super thankful for my family, especially Carl my partner who was really calm and collected throughout the whole ordeal, and was always there to love, help and support me, even if that was carrying me to the toilet because my body was so broken after muscle clamping 30-minute seizures.
I'm grateful for my amazingly wonderful care team! My fav ever specific chiropractor Sophie @ KOEO, takes care of me and my family's Nervous System and looks after my body since pregnancy 5 years ago. Also, Dra Alba, an MD who practices alternative medicine, gave me regular energy-healing massage sessions. Along with other therapists and healers who helped me along this long and hilly pathway back to health and well-being.